I could really use a wish right now...

Looking out the window, she didn't see much. Not that she expected to so late at night. Wiping at her face, Marie shook her head, wishing for all the world that she'd just kept her damn mouth shut. It didn't matter if it was eating at her before. Now it was consuming and she wanted to punch a wall, cry and go to sleep for days all at same time. Some might call that depression. For the blonde, it was a daily way of life. Her emotions were always so up and down. Most days, when she actually thought about it, it was frustrating and she wished she could change. And she had tried. It just never seemed like it was enough.

It didn't help that after the fight, she'd laid down to cry, to just let it all out. That was seven the night before. Now, nearly four am, she had a full night's sleep and nothing to do but stare out the window. The feeling of loneliness and the desire to pick up the phone, to try to make this better was overwhelming. But calling that early in the morning probably wouldn't help heal any wounds. Even she wasn't that stupid.

She reached for the radio, turning the nob and hoping for something to make it a little easier to be awake. Or, better yet, lull her back to sleep. The song had a decent beat and some piano and she lay her head back on the pillow as the woman sang about needing a wish and being willing to use just about anything to get it. Then there was some rapping but the woman's voice, her words were what Marie focused on.

The realization that it was her fault wasn't new. But in her trying to branch out, trying to find something that might make it a little easier to deal with all this, she didn't realize what she was doing to the people who had been there the whole time. In making friends, she's managed to alienate the one person who had her back, who had been with her through everything. Brilliant.

Making a note to download it, the music actually did it's job and Marie found herself humming softly as she drifted again, just hoping that she'd sleep until her alarm. She had a lot to do come morning.

Working on it

So as was pointed out to me by several people, I haven't blogged in forever. I've got about a million excuses but not one of them is really a good one so I won't even bother with them. I need to get back into this. My life has been a little chaotic but I'm working on getting it together. So give me time.

Today, there will be another post with the prompt "How To Make Friends and Alienate People" I'm going to do a series based on movie titles. We'll see how it goes.

And check my tweets for mini stories. Cause some of them are fun. :)

01.23.10 - A letter

Dear Self,

Well, you've done well so far, at least in regards to keeping up with the blogging. Pictures, not so much, but I suppose I'll forgive you. But now the real work begins. In two months, you will be turning 24. And a goal you had set for yourself was to complete your first novel by 25. So you a little over a year to accomplish this. It's time to set some smaller goals to get to the BIG ONE.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

Love,

Me

This totally stemmed from motivational speeches at work, by the way. And for your viewing pleasure...

01.22.10 - Fortune

All I have to say today is this:

There are plenty of promises and hope floating around you.

01.21.10 - Life

Sometimes if can surprise you. In both good and bad ways. One phone call can change everything. But what influences a character before they reach the printed page? How important is the backstory? Does it matter, their life before they appear in a story?

I believe so. While some might not care about breakups, deaths, losses, triumphs of a character's life, I believe it has a distinct effect on who they are when the reader first meets them. Pain. Joy. Sorrow. They're all pieces that create the whole character.

But what part of that background is too much for the reader? At what point does it become too much? Is it really that fine of a line? I suppose I'm going to find out.

01.20.10 - "Dreamer"

Looking up, he saw the sun starting to set, twilight covering the world and he longed to take to the skies. He had seen his cousin do it before him, his father before the hunters got to him. And all he wanted was to be able to fly. Above him, a solitary hawk, one not unlike his father's form, circled and he felt that yearning grow stronger.

"Josiah! Dinner!"

His eyes never left the bird in the sky, watching him through winter branches. He missed his father. He was the one who was supposed to show him. All the men in his family were weres. They could all fly by the time they were in their teens. And here was Josiah, on the brink of his thirteenth birthday with no one to teach him and a mother, worried out of her mind.

“Dinner!”

Her calls to him went unheeded. Hands reached out, pushing the window open. Kicking off his sneakers, he climbed out on to the roof. He could do this. Josiah pulled off his tee shirt, shivering as his toes touched a patch of snow. Shaky fingers went to his belt buckle, but a glance skyward showed the hawk still above him, watching him.

He had no idea how to do this, to shift into his were form. Closing his eyes, he thought about it, about taking flight and soaring above it all, forgetting how he got picked on at school, how he missed his father. And he jumped.

I've received some really great feedback on my entry to the contest on Clarity of Night. Winners get announced later today and while I'm a little nervous, I really do appreciate what I've heard back so far. And it is enough of a pleasure to have new opinions on my work.

Truthfully, Josiah is a character I'd created a while ago for a role playing game. He's since been through a few revisions and no he is a were-hawk. In my mind, I saw him jumping from the roof and instinct taking over. But it was interesting to see people's reactions, what they thought was going to happen, thinking that he was delusional and that his mother was right to be worried.

What do you think?

The story was partly inspired by the song "Imagine", recently covered by the cast of Glee. That's what I was listening to when I wrote the drabble.

01.19.10 - Hero/Heroine

She sat in the library, notebook open in front of her. He could see her pen move and could almost picture the smooth letters taking shape on the page. Being lab partners, he'd seen her notes, knew that she had to rewrite them every night so they looked pristine. Perfectionist. That was an understatement.

But he found it intoxicating.

There was something unassuming about Isadora. Sure, everyone called her Izzy (or freak) but he saw the girl underneath the baggy sweatshirts proclaiming school spirit she never had and the jeans that seemed one size too big. He always caught her humming to herself and he remembered how she'd freaked out when he'd once commented on it, like her melodies weren't for the ears of mere mortals. But he was not a normal teen. He would never be normal, no matter how many cheerleaders fawned over him. No matter how many of the so-called popular guys took him under their wing and befriended him. Secretly, he'd be a freak.

Just like her.

That was why he could never tell her that he thought she was different, beautiful. He couldn't expose her to what he was. It had nothing to do with how others saw her. Their ignorance didn't change how beautiful he thought she was. His family wouldn't be pleased. In his heart, he'd always known that fact wouldn't matter to him when finding someone to connect with. Despite being able to look passed what his family would say, that the clan would do if he brought in an outsider, he would never get over the fact that who, or rather what, he was could kill her.

Still, it didn't stop him from imagining. She'd taste liek sugar, maybe vanilla. Her skin looked impossibly soft. More than once, he'd gotten lost in her eyes while talking to her. And dont' get him started on her hair. It was the object of his obsession, picturing what it would be like, down around her face, how it would feel sliding between his fingers. She was the object of fantasy, just on the other side of the lab table. The fantasy he could never have.

But he knew. If he could have her?

Her love would be the sweetest sin.

Inspired by the song, "Hero/Heroine" by Boys Like Girls, this snippet is told from the perspective of the as of yet unnamed male character in Siren's Kiss, one of the two book ideas waging war in my head.

01.18.10 - An examination of emotion

As a writer, I try to convey certain emotions to my readers. As a reader, I've read things that made me laugh, made me cry. Hell, I've even read books that have made me so upset and heartbroken that I've thrown things (*coughHarryPotter5*). But what is it about those writers, those emotions that get to the readers?

Personally, I think it's a combination of both the characters and the words. In regards to the characters themselves, it isn't the easiest thing to create a character who is lovable, likable, and who readers can connect with. As of yet, I'm not sure I've done that. Do my characters offer readers a person they can can relate to, who they care about? The way I related Sirius Black.

Also, it has to do with the actual words the writer uses. It's one thing to say someone is dead and it is entirely different to convey the environment and emotions regarding said death enough to make a reader cry. Or even to throw their books. Which I actually admit to when finding out that my favorite character was dead. I was really heartbroken.

In the end, I have to find that balance. It isn't the easiest thing, but I will do my best. Here's hoping I can do this.

01.17.10 - Glee wins

That makes me a very happy woman. I love Glee and the show makes me feel insanely happy whenever I watch it. Kind of like Bones. There are few things that make me happy, make me smile when I hear them. Like that song "Fireflies". And I was having a discussion with a friend. Visiting an aquarium is one thing that makes her insanely happy.

There is a joy that small child experience. I want to get that back. Glee. Bones. "Fireflies". Aquarium. What makes you happy?

01.16.10 - Seriously?

This is just a day of craziness. And I'm very tired. But I got an interesting letter in the mail. Apparently it would cost $65 for someone to be able to google my web site. That's a lot of money for someone who really doesn't have that. I mean, don't get me wrong, I understand that it might cost a little something for me, but seriously, $65? It just seems a little much.

In writing news, another of the elementals is poking my brain. He apparently needs to be written in some form. I think I should just write out the character profiles of all of them (elementals and sirens alike) so they can leave my brain alone. That would certainly make me happy. So we shall see what happens. I have a test I have to take for work, so I will be focusing on that more than anything else until it's over.