01.11.10 - A crazy day

First of all, sorry that I have been dating my entries wrong for the past two days. I'm pretty smooth, I know, but at least they were every day. Have to give myself credit for that one.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, which isn't really helping much because it's not thinking about writing. It's about other things. And that just leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth. Not such a huge fan of that.

In other news, I did enter a writing contest. That is rather huge, I realize, since I haven't actively written much in a while. It was a short, 250 word drabble, but it was something and hopefully it will work out in my favor. Fingers crossed everyone!

Another short blog, but very think heavy day and I need to make to do lists. Hopefully something else will be written soon and as soon as winners are announced, I will publish my drabble here. :)

01.09.10 - Another late one

So therefore it will be short due to exhaustion.

Today was not as hard as I thought it was going to be and yet nearly impossible to get through. I thought being on the Cape and going to church and the cemetery was going to be really upsetting. It wasn't as bad as I was picturing. Trust me to psych it up for no reason. But that hard part was being around my family and hearing their perceptions of the woman I am right now. That was really hard. Because, while it's not the total truth, they're not just imagining things. So that was hard. Suppose I have some soul searching to do. Perhaps a short story or a writing exercise is in the works?

Side note: AVATAR = AMAZING! Go see it and fall in love with Sam Worthington.

01.08.10 - A long day of balloon fishing

I spent a lot of today driving and I'm pretty exhausted. Not much to say other than I'm at my grandfathers and I got here safe and sound. I fell asleep while watching a movie and attended a birthday party for an eight year old where her cat stole the party. (It was a very cute theme. They had to solve the mystery together) Then we had to fish for balloons because the strings broke. To do this, you need a tall balloon (aka one with a REALLLY long string). Attach to it a relatively small piece of duct tape. Too large and the balloon will be too top heavy. Once you have done this, you must very carefully let the balloon with the tape get to the balloon you need to retrieve. We spent the better part of the afternoon bringing them down and letting them go again. It was a really fun game that we made up.

01.08.10 - A post from work

So I'm posting at work because quick math deduced I probably wouldn't be able to post until after midnight. Therefore, post from work. I'm very excited for my vacation. And I'm exhausted. I need to be a little less last minute. I was up until 4 packing and wrapping presents. That was a bad idea. Since I got up early so that I could put all my stuff in my car and also head over to the bank.

Started reading Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters. Amusing so far. I don't know what else they could do with Jane Austin novels, but I am enjoying this so far.

T-minus 4 hours, 8 minutes and counting before vacation. Let's hope the roads don't suck too bad and that the ferry isn't crazy. And that I get something written this vacation. Even if it's just a short story. I want to have something written by the end of Thursday.

I can totally do it, right?

01.07.10 - Such a lazy day.

I had a nothing day. And it was amazing. I spent the majority of my day relaxing, though I should have most definitely been packing. Definitely should have been packing. I'm taking a six day vacation from work. I'm calling it my palette cleanser. Two days with my grandfather, twoish? days with my cousin and time to myself, cleaning out my brain. I want to start fresh with something to write.

Today's laziness was broken when I enjoyed some sushi with my friend Sara. Interestingly enough, I got an idea for the elementals book I'd thought of when I was still in college. Those characters are starting to attack my brain. So I'm not sure what will happen, if the sirens will beat out the elementals, but we shall see. I'm curious.

Okay, short entry for I need to pack. I will be mostly MIA until I get back, but there will be journals cause it's my New Year's Resolution.

Three things I rediscovered today:

1) I love the idea for my first book and I want to maybe go back to that before all the index cards on my doors

2) I'm obsessed with many things and am a huge nerd

3) I want a Flip camera. Real bad.

01.06.10 - One minute writer: laughter

One Minute Writer: Blog Prompt - What do you want to rediscover?

"I would love to rediscover how I laugh. It's evolved so much since I started laughing. I'm sure it was some childish giggle as a baby, maybe with some gurgling. Now it is more cackle like… with a little Betty Rubble. It's cute, but I forget how I natural laugh sometimes."

Everyone has a different laugh. I forget what mine started as. I remember trying to tone mine down at one point because I cackle. I'm since just accepted it and moved on. I'm loud when I laugh. Get over it. Everyone knows I'm enjoying myself. :)

In other news, I'm totally looking forward to the days off from work I have next week. I just need to relax and get my head back on straight. Then hopefully I should have new stuff written and I will feel accomplished.

01.05.10 - Friends are honestly the best thing in the world

And I'm sure everyone knows that. So when my friends show up at my house with Chinese food, it makes for a nice evening. No matter how tired I am, the bond I have with my girls is priceless. Singing random songs, laughing, reading texts and watching movie trailers actually made my night.

Everyone has this point in their lives, when there are people in their lives, the people that shape them, bring them joy, sadness. Right now, for me, those people are my friends. But what are they for my characters? That's a big question. Are they friends? Past lovers? Wives? Children? What makes a character tick. It's a big thing for me when I figure out backstory for my characters.

So what makes you tick? What makes you smile? Cry? Laugh until you cry?

01.04.10 - A hard day [an addendum]

When I started this, it was supposed to be about my writing. Just about the writing. But I realized something, looking at my past entires just now. It has to be more than that. So I shouldn't feel weird posting about my life, or how I was feeling one day. That is part of what makes me a writer, the ability to feel and the desire to communicate those feelings to others. So here it goes.

New Year's Resolution Number Three: Write what I feel here, not what I think you all want to hear.

01.04.10 - A hard day

Today was probably harder than it needed to be. Not because of work or anything really bad, per say. Today was a hard day because I missed my grandmother. More than I really have since Christmas. And I know that I'm trying to live with less regrets, but sometimes they creep up and surprise you, remind you that you could have done more, spent more time with someone. If only we had the gift of foresight. So when I think about what kind of super power I would like to have, it would probably be that one. To know, in my gut that I should do something because I might not have the time to do it otherwise.

Anyone can quote something hopefully, say something encouraging or offer a story where they felt the same way you do. But grief is a mysterious thing. It isn't something that we can figure out. Should I be over it by now? Why do I still cry? These are questions that no one has answers to, ones that aren't really possible to answer. What may be enough time for me, might not for others. Do I feel selfish some days, like I'm the only one who still grieves so deeply? Sure. But then I talk to my grandfather and I hear sadness in his voice and I can't imagine losing someone I'd know for almost my whole life. I don't have anyone in my life I've known that long, save for my family.

So I suppose today's food for though is if you could see the future, know when people would leave, when you would leave, would you want to know? As much as I say I want to know, I'm not sure I really do. I'm not sure I could handle that. The knowledge that she was going to die over the summer was enough to literally have me sobbing on the ground. Could I handle knowing when I would lose my grandfather? My mother? My sister? My dad? My little brother? My best friend? Probably not.

But it's still something to think about.

01.03.10 - A New Year's Resolution

Okay, this is something that I'm sure happens a lot in the beginning of the year, but I'm making a resolution. I've made several over the past three days. Some of which I'm going to list here. But my main resolution is to blog every day. No matter how tired I am. No matter what I write about. I need to blog, to actually keep writing. It's hard and it will be a challenge so, here it goes.

Anyways, other solutions:

1) Never regret something that once made you smile.

2) Take a picture every day. At the end of the year, I'm going to compile them together. At the moment, I have no idea what to take for today's picture. I'm off and I have spent the day watching movies and napping. Totally a lazy Sunday. But lazy Sundays are good every once in a while. I needed this one.

Okay, I have to get back to the long list of things I have to do this evening, including make dinner, but expect blogs every day! My total of like two readers.